Friday, November 30, 2007

And then there were two.....or one?!?!?

November 30, 2007

Today was another big day. Second ultrasound. We were going to confirm what the first one had shown, and see heartbeats galore. Not so much.... We started freaking out a bit when we couldn't see anything. Surely there had to be something in there. I can't describe the relief when the first gestational sack. Baby "A"! The technician put the sound on, and we could see and hear a strong heartbeat. The heart was flying at what seemed to be about 120 beats/minute. Awesome!!!

But what about the second and third? Baby "B" had become visible larger from a week and half ago, and there was a yolk in the sac, but it was still hard to see anything that resembled the heartbeat we saw on Baby "A". And where did Baby "C" go? Not until the technician did an external ultrasound, could we see the gestational sack. She went back to the internal ultrasound, and through a lot of probing (obviously not to comfortable for L) she finally saw it.

The technician left to present the information to the doctors, and we waiting in the room, in case they needed more pictures. And we waited, and we waited, and we waited a little bit more. "This can't be good", L said. "My thoughts exactly", I replied. Eventually a doctor came back, not the technician. All kinds of alarms went off and flags were risen at that point of course. "So, what's the verdict?".

"Well......., we see one baby with a strong heartbeat and normal growth (obviously talking about Baby "A"). That is good. The third sac is empty. The second baby has a weak and slow heartbeat, and it is very small" the doctor could report. What did weak and slow mean? What should we expect? "You will most likely lose the second one, but one is looking good. That's why you transfer more than one embryo. These things happen".

We walked out of the clinic, not knowing how to feel. We had three, and now we're down to one?!? I know it is extremely selfish to feel disappointed with these news, but we were so convinced that we were having multiples. Having had so many let-downs over the last two years, having more than one was somewhat of a cushion. And now we're down to hoping that Baby "A" (I'm going to have to come up with a better name for him/her, but not yet) will hang on and continue to grow strong. We have not given up on Baby "B" yet. As the nurses told us after the first ultrasound: "One tends to run away from the others, but they eventually catch up". Maybe they're right.

It may sound like I'm in an extremely somber mood right now. That's not the case. We're thrilled to see that one of the babies is developing nicely. Later today, or this evening, I will post a picture from the ultrasound of Baby "A", where you can actually see that the brain is being developed.

I guess I have to change the name of my blog now, huh?

2 comments:

George said...

Erik,
I'm sure your emotions are so torn today...elated by the great news about Baby A...but saddened by the news of Babies B & C. I will be saying many prayers (and crossing my fingers & toes) that Baby B catches up...and Baby A continues to grow into a perfect little baby that will one day grace your arms!
oxo
Jen

Erik said...

Jen.

It's so great to have friends like yourself. Thank you so much for your positive words and support.

This is kind of weird. I'm usually the one that is always bubbling over with positivity and excitement, and going through my days with a "no worries" attitude. I guess it just illustrates how much this really means to me, and to L of course.

I asked L yesterday; "When can we relax? When are we in the clear?". Today's feelings come from the fear that the answer to these questions is "Never".