Take a walk in my shoes

Late on December 7, 2007

My latest post on this blog brought some reactions. Some of our friends and family did not appreciate the bluntness of it, and the title caught them off guard and actually scared them. To some extent, I apologize for that (I'll explain a bit later). I didn't create this blog as a way to shock, scare or offend anybody. It was meant to be a brutally honest, moment-by-moment, experience-by-experience, factual and emotional "diary" of this journey we have embarked upon.

But this journey has its ups and downs. It's filled with dreams, dreams, and even more dreams. At the same time, there's always the cruelty of our own minds, mixing in fears and negative thoughts with these dreams. What if we were never to reach these awesome dreams we have created?

Having gone through what we have experienced in the last two and a half years, the fears present themselves in every little change or new sensation that L is experiencing. We go into every blood test, every ultrasound, every follow-up, and every phone call with hope of great results, good news and a positive outlook for our unborn children, and for us. But, unfortunately, we prepare for the worst. Because every setback hurts. And it hurst a lot.

So, I will keep on writing down my experiences, my true feelings and emotions, upsetting as they may be. Putting it down in writing is a way for me to get it out in the open. Tell people how I really feel, which can be tough to do "on the spot". Here I can be much more reflected, select the most appropriate words. And the readers can choose whether they want to keep on reading, or to close the page if they don't care to read any more. It may never become reality, but I also created this blog for other fathers-to-be out there (who knows who ends up reading this). There are so many questions and so much uncharted territory when you are going through something like this, so it can be extremely comforting to have someone else's experience to compare your own experiences to. It's strange, but based on the comments I have received on this blog, it seems that only women seem to care about a father's experiences and perspective. I would love to hear what their partners perspective is on the topics I bring up......

Back to the last post. Yes, I chose the title for a reason. Number one, it's just good journalism to create a headline that makes people want to read what you have written. And believe me, if you're reading this blog, and I have your phone number, this will not be the place where you'll get the news first, positive or negative.

Secondly, if you, as a reader, think what you're reading is making your heart beat, your palms sweat, and your eyes water, just know that the impact it has on me is ten times what you are experiencing. Writing this blog, I have laughed out loud, thinking about the great news we have received. I have cried my share of tears for the same reason, and they're the best tears that ever ran down my face. I have also shed tears of frustration, trying to find the right things to say to comfort my beloved wife when the news aren't what we expected.

I know some of you have done it already, but this blog is my invitation to you......to come take a walk in my shoes.